John 3:16 corrected

I've taken the liberty of correcting the most famous verse of the Bible, so that it fits more comfortably with what many Christians seem to believe. Do you think it's an improvement on the original?

For God so hated the world, but he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish [along with the world] but have eternal life [in heaven]. For God did not send his Son into the world to save the world, but in order that the world might be condemned through him (John 3:16-17, ESV, altered).

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